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“Deep Blue Jungle”, 2019, oil on canvas, 50 x 60 x 4.5 cm.

I was dreaming of a blue jungle tattoo for my back. There are times that even the color blue gets creepy and unsettling. I don’t know how to describe it. Music helps keep the words down from time to time, but I stop music at those moments.

As a woman, I lived in Istanbul before London. It’s hard being a woman in Turkey borders. It’s so usual to control a woman. When she will back home, what color she can wear, her friends and so many things that come to mind. But I am stubborn. I refused to be oriented a regime which is accepted by another “mind’. My freedom and my existence must be shaped by my own ‘mind’. Good or bad. I had to fight many times for it, with my family, my teachers, my friends and with each person who intervened to my freedom. It has not been easy at all. There is a quote which is accompanied with me in all this process:

“Freedom is like money, it must be earned before it is spent.”*

I fought to win and I won. I got a tattoo on my shoulder so I won’t forget this battle. An Ara Macaw that broke the chains and flew. It’s me!  Each color on it’s feathers represents what I carry in my soul. Then I thought, it was easy to find something similar to me, but what about the feelings which I felt in past ?

I dreamt of the blue jungle for this reason.

Seha Nur Karatas

 

* Buket Uzuner, Kumral Ada Mavi Tuna.

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